Author: Moggie 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue - Chapter 4 Sitting stiffly on one of Grissom’s overstuffed armchairs, Sara tried to think of something to say. She didn’t want to be here when Grissom came home. The anger from their previous encounters was something she didn’t want to witness. It was painful enough to know that he had moved on and that the other woman was being nice to her. The idea was to keep away from Anna and Grissom professionally and personally. Sara didn’t want to invade on his private life anymore than she already had. She knew he was an isolated being, and liked his privacy. And she had already been on the receiving end if that privacy was invaded. “I should go.” Sara said quietly and she pushed herself to stand. Anna smiled. “Gil won’t be long. Would you like some coffee or tea perhaps?” Why was she being nice? Didn’t she realise that she didn’t want to be here? Once Grissom saw her in his home, with his girlfriend… he’d freak out. “I should get going. Uh, thanks for letting me wait.” The words stumbled out of her mouth and once she heard them, she could have slapped herself. “I’ll let Gil know you were here.” Anna offered politely. Sara stared at the tall woman. She was in her late 40’s and had light brown hair down past her shoulders. Her figure was small and lithe, athletic and curvy. Her relaxed posture was unnerving to say the least. Sara would never be that relaxed in Grissom’s home, let alone around Grissom himself. But what did this matter anymore? She would never find out if she could grow accustomed to being that close to Grissom, though she had tried. After seeing this woman as an important part of her boss’ life, she knew that whatever happened form now and onwards, she would have to keep herself alert at all times. No more shared looks that were, in her mind, meaningful. No more comfortable talks in his office about cases at the end of shift. All that they had been doing would have to be stopped or she would find out just how serious Gil Grissom was with his relationship with Anna. Whether it was long term or not, she now knew that he was not interested in her, anymore if ever. These thoughts crushed her heart and the tightness was too much. She needed to leave now before she did something embarrassing, like crying in front of her true love’s girlfriend. Mentally giving herself a shake, she burned those thoughts from her mind. She couldn’t keep thinking like this. If she was going to move on, eventually, then she needed to see the reality of what was happening before her very eyes. He loved someone, just not her. Sara should have realised that a long time ago, but her heart was too foolish to listen. Breaking herself from her heartbreak, Sara turned and walked towards the door. “If you could just give him the envelope.” She pulled the door open and turned to look at the woman that had captured Grissom’s heart. “It was nice to meet you.” A second later, Sara was in her car and driving as far from the townhouse as the road would take her. - It wasn’t often that she would drive to a deserted place and just sit in her car, the air conditioning full blast and her eyes filling with unshed tears with her heart pressing forcefully against her ribcage. “If only you knew what you were doing to yourself.” She berated her very being and her actions. No matter how much she cried, she couldn’t stop the pain or get past the feeling of total loss. “You’re an idiot and no matter what happens, you’ll never be happy.” She blinked and the tears fell like a waterfall. It didn’t matter that she was the only one that knew how she felt deep inside. She knew that the others would have noticed the attention she was giving Grissom. Only to have it thrown back in her face when the shit truly hit the fan. Who would have known that he would actually find someone else? After all these years and of all the woman that he could never hold on to, she really thought that he was waiting for her. How stupid can you get? Why would anyone like him wait for someone like her? Blindly reaching for her cell phone, she dialled her parent’s number and pulled the device to her ear to wait. After getting the answer machine, she left a message, her crying evident in her voice. “Hey mom. I was wondering if I could come home for the weekend. Something’s come up and- I just wanna see you. Call me if it’s ok.” She pressed the end button and held her cell phone in her hand tightly. “I might as well send myself to the guillotine. He’s putting me through much worse.” - Grissom closed the door behind him and made his way across the room to the kitchen. “Hey.” He smiled as he saw Anna standing by the coffee pot. “Hey honey.” She poured herself a cup and retrieved a cup from the cupboard to pour another. “You had a visitor while you were out.” “Really? Who?” He asked as he unpacked the grocery bag. “Sara.” Anna smiled sadly as she turned and sipped her coffee. “She left about ten minutes ago. Poor thing seemed rattled about something.” Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the envelope Sara had left. Grissom took the envelope and opened it. “Was she ok?” He asked with slight worry hidden in his tone. “Don’t know. She didn’t want to wait.” She chuckled lightly. “You sure know how to show your employee who’s the boss don’t you?” Not paying attention, he pulled out a single piece of paper as he pushed his glasses more comfortably on his nose. ‘Hi. I’m going away for the weekend. Just in case you put me on call. I didn’t get time to check the rota. If you think it’s an inconvenient time, I can change my plans and work. Page me if that’s the case. Sara’ Just as he was going to look up, he noticed another, smaller, envelope folded behind the note. He opened it and walked away from the kitchen. He sat down at his desk and read the more detailed letter inside. ‘Grissom, I’m not sure why I am writing this now. At first it was just a way to clear my head and make things seem sense, but as I started to write, I realised that I have too much on my mind to write it all down. I am sorry about what happened last month. You know how the lab can be about twisting things. If you feel uncomfortable, I’ll understand if you don’t want to work with me. I’m used to it now anyways. Warrick is sorry about saying anything to the others. I guess something like your private life is juicy gossip. I wouldn’t know why, but I’m sure it’s because you don’t let anyone know who you are away from work. I just wanted to say I’m sorry again, you know, for being so rude the other week at your house. I had no right being there. I guess I stepped over the mark again. If you would forgive me I will do anything to put things right between us… as friends I mean or if you don’t think that’s a good idea, I understand. Work is probably the best way to keep things simple and the gossip tree free of new talk. I can be professional and I’d never mention anything about your home life with anyone again. I just hope you know that you can trust me and I’m sorry for breaking your trust in the first place. A few more things. I’m-happy for you. What ever the other’s say at the lab, I’m glad you found someone that makes you feel alive and worth living your life again. I guess I thought I could be that person, as a friend I mean, but I should have known you’d find someone. I know that I’ve said things over the years that have no doubt sounded completely pathetic and confusing, but in my head I thought I was doing the right things. Guess I don’t really know you as well as I thought or would like. Maybe one day we can be friends again like we used to be a long time ago. I’ve considered that friendship more than I’d like to admit and when I gave in my LOA letter two years ago, it wasn’t sudden. It was something I thought you’d want. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t reconsidered leaving. I might in the end. I’m just not sure what I’d do. I don’t think I could find another job as a CSI. My track record isn’t that great and I’ve had my own blunders over the years and even though my solve rate and knowledge is high, I’d still have trouble. After I get back from my short break, I should have some things figured out. I might leave or I might stay, but I’m not going to guilt you this time. You don’t have any obligation towards me, you never have. I know you’re my boss and was once, my friend, but that was a long time ago. Now you’re just my boss and I’d never forget that. Finally, after boring you to death with my babbling… I hope you’re happy. You have something people like us don’t find easily. We’re more alike than I care to admit, but you got your life just like you told me I deserved one only a year ago. Everyone deserves a life, even you Gil Grissom. From Sara’ The irony of that last line was not lost on him even though his head was reeling with what he’d just read. |
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