Author: Moggie
Status: Complete
Summary: [GSR] Sara's leaving and she's already at the airport!
Genre: Angst
Spoilers: Playing with Fire
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

“He doesn’t love me.” Sara snapped, but any anger she was feeling quickly turned to defeat.

“Really?" her conscience, Catherine Willows, scoffed. "How do you know that? Have you asked him?”

Sara stared at the flashing boards above their heads. “Not, in so many words.” she sighed and rubbed the flashing letters and numbers from her eyes.

Catherine watched people milling back and forth. “I'll take that as a resounding 'no'.”

Suddenly exasperated, Sara leaned forward. "Catherine." she leaned into her hands and groaned. "Just leave it alone."

“If you get on that plane Sara, you’ll never see him again.” Catherine warned with no preamble.

“I know that." Sara sighed. "I do." she relaxed into the stiff chair and rummaged in her jacket pocket. "But it was his choice and he wasn't exaxtly saying anything.”

Catherine watched from the corner of her eye as Sara pulled out her Cell Phone. “He’s scared.” she put out there, just on the off chance of Sara actually making the call.

“Yeah." Sara pushed open her Cell Phone, but immediately snapped it shut. "That makes both of us.”

“Hey, it’s not as if he doesn't show emotion. He just doesn't express it everyday. Give him some more time. This has to be new for him.”

“No." Sara scoffed. "It’s not new for him, Catherine. He shows emotion all the time. He's just good at deflecting people from noticing. He’s been in relationships. Some ended badly so he’s avoiding the same thing he’s always been avoiding.”

Curious as to Sara's insight, Catherine turned her attention from the arguing people at the checking-in desk. “And that is?”

“Commitment.”

Catherine barked a humour-filled laugh. “That’s bullshit. Grissom’s probably the most committed guy I know.”

“To his job." Sara nodded. "But not to a relationship. I’ve never been in a long term relationship because they’ve all ended badly. I understand.”

“Doesn’t mean the same turnout will happen.” Catherine gestured lightly with her hands.

“Of course it does." Sara sat stiffly. "It's why I'm sitting here at McCarren. I know exactly what's going to happen, because it already did.”

Catherine turned on the uncomfortable seat. “You’re not thinking this through rationally.”

“Probably not," Sara shook her head. "I know I can't take anymore of this tug of war game of his. I’m not a yo-yo, Catherine.”

“I know." Catherine put her hand on Sara's wrist. "I know he’s a fool. I know he's a total ass for treating you this way.”

Sara sighed. “There is only one way to solve this problem.”

“It’s not a problem, Sara." Catherine gripped Sara's wrist tighter. "Can’t you see what it is? It’s love, Sara. You are both afraid to let yourselves think about it. You’ve fallen in love with him and you feel that he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“I know he doesn’t." Sara started gathering her jacket and napsack. "He flirts with me, but he never once follows through. It’s not love, Catherine. It’s desperation on my side. I only 'think' he flirts with me. He hasn’t a clue how I feel, because he’s never looked at me long enough to see.”

Catherine removed her hand and stood. “So, you're just going to leave?"

“Yes.” Sara zipped up the napsack after checking it for her boarding pass.

“Without even a word to him? Why?”

“Why?" Sara looked up. "Why are you even here? You know he will never confess to feeling anything. Even if he knew, he wouldn’t do a thing to stop me. He never has and he never will. Just accept that I'm trying to move on with my life. Maybe he will find some happiness without me. He seems to be trying already, just not with me.”

“You can't be talking about the dates he’s been going on?”

“No Catherine, I not talking about his dates. " Sara snapped. "What the hell do you think I’ve been talking about? He’s got women throwing themselves at his feet. Women willing to do anything as long as he sleeps with them." she slipped the napsack over her shoulder as she faced Catherine. "Then he’s got me. I love him, yet I'm not worth the time of day.”

Catherine was stunned by the blatant honesty. “He really hurt you, didn’t he?”

Sara looked up at the departure board. “I’m tired of talking.”

“Why don’t you call?" Catherine had to convince her to stay. "Ask him to meet you somewhere. Talk to him Sara, before you make the biggest mistake of your life.”

“Its too late, Catherine." Sara sounded heartbroken, but wasn't going to change her mind. "I gave him a chance, but he never even battered an eye. He said no. He's turned me down for the last time. ”

“Said no? What does that mean?”

Sara stared at her. “He never told you about me asking him out?”

Catherine shook her head. “No. Jesus. Why didn't he go for it?”

“I don’t know." Sara shrugged. "It was a test, I think.”

“A test?” Catherine asked.

“Yeah." Sara nodded. "After the explosion, I wasn’t sure what was happening to me for a while. The EMT's said I was probably suffering from shock. Anyway, I thought it was a second chance. Almost being blown to bits gave me the clichèd feeling of life being too short. I tried to talk to him, before the explosion, but he was never alone.”

“I’m sorry.”

Sara scuffed the toe of her left shoe against the wall beside the waiting chairs. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Have you spoken to him since then?”

“He just wouldn't speak to me when we worked the robbery at the bank. He practically avoided me.”

Catherine nodded. “You did know about his hearing?”

“Yeah. He told everyone when he came back from vacation.”

“That’s when he had the surgery. He went straight after finishing that case. He was, scared, to put it emotionally.”

Sara sighed. “It still doesn’t explain why he’s been avoiding me or why he never told me in the first place." she glanced at Catherine. "He told you.”

“And you're angry with me because of that?”

“No. Yes." Sara corrected. "Hell, I don’t know. Maybe." She looked directly at Catherine. "I know you’re his best friend Catherine, but I thought we had something.”

“He told me because he needed me to take shift-supervisor while he was away.” Catherine looked up at the sound of the airport speakers coming to life.

Sara checked her pockets and found her boarding pass. “That’s my flight.”

Catherine held out her arm. “Don’t go.”

“There’s nothing left for me here.”

“Just, wait a few more minutes.” Catherine looked at her watch, which was a bad move.

“Why?” Sara's suspicion scale started tingling.

“I don't want you to leave like this.”

Sara started walking away. “I'm not going to change my mind.”

“I guessed as much. Sara? ” Catherine followed.

“You’ve been a good friend, Catherine. Maybe we'll cross path's down the line.”

Catherine reached out and snagged her shoulder. “Maybe we can get a coffee? Before you go?”

Sara laughed. “My flight was just called. Are you trying to make me miss it? Or… What are you up to?” her suspicions were now flying alert.

“Nothing.” Catherine swallowed nervously.

“Goodbye, then.”

Catherine jogged to catch up. “Sara. Wait. Please.”

“I don't like the way you’re looking at me." Sara spun in a slow circle to look all around her. "What have you done?” She asked hesitantly.

“I may have mentioned your gate number in passing." Catherine half smiled and half grimaced. "And your departure time. Maybe.”

Sara froze on the spot. “What are you talking about?”

“Sara." Catherine checked her watched again. "Wait a few more minutes. Just keep talking to me.”

"Are you seriously trying to make me miss my flight?”

“Give me a few minutes to plead his case. Or better yet, let him plead his case in person.”

Sara's eyes widened in understanding. “You called him?”

Catherine snapped her mouth shut at the utter shock on her face.

“You called him? I can't believe it. You are trying to make me to wait for him. Jesus Christ Catherine!” Sara hurried her steps. "Ironic how you are attempting to make me wait around for him."

Catherine called her name. “Sara.”

“No!” Sara snapped back. A few more long strides and she was hidden amongst the crowds.

“Shit!” Catherine cupped her cheeks in panic.

“Catherine!” Grissom jogged through the crowd of passengers before coming to a stop.

“Where the hell have you been?” Catherine snapped irritably.

“Traffic." he puffed, "Where is she?” he looked around him with one hand on his chest to calm his beating heart from the sprint across the airport.

Catherine shrugged and sat down. “She’s on the plane.”

Grissom stared for a second, then cursed and clutched his sweaty hair. “Dammit!”

“Go!” Catherine blurted as a sudden thought came crashing into her.

He looked away from the passengers waiting in line for luggage checking in. “What?”

Catherine was now well on the same train her thought was. She had to convince him. “Get on the fucking plane, Gil. She is not going to stay if you don’t make her.”

“I haven’t a ticket.” Grissom responded dumbly.

“Here.” Catherine dug into her purse.

Taking the ticket, he stared at her with two raised eyebrows. “You have a ticket?" at her look, he smirked. "I’m guessing you want me to go after her?”

She sighed. “Stop stalling.”

“You’re right.” Grissom nodded. "Thank you."

She watched him run for a minute and smiled. "I know I’m right." she murmured to herself. When he was about to pass through security, she grinned and shouted out, "Good Luck!"

Sara looked out at the tarmac as the ground gradually got smaller. She leaned her head against the cool oval window and inwardly cursed herself. She was grateful that the plane was in the air, but the feeling of leaving behind everything was already hurting her more than she realised.

The seatbelt light went out and she unbuckled the strap to stretch out and find a more comfortable position to settle into for the flight.

At least this was getting somewhere. Four years of waiting for Grissom to see her was in retrospect, kind of desperate, now that she thought about it. She often thought that if she'd pushed a little more, things would have been different. Not moving forward with their relationship has left her a bit uncertain. Should things have been different, like should she have done something more or maybe she should have waited for him a bit longer. But after trying to do something to move their relationship in a more pleasant direction and failing, she didn't know what else to do. There's only so many times you can ask the same man out to dinner and be turned down. One time was enough after all they had been through other the years.

Sara closed her eyes against the sun’s glare and tried to change her thoughts into something more productive. She was moving on with her life and she had to start thinking about what things to look forward to.

She pulled her hair back from her face and put it up into a pony-tail. Dropping her hands, she gazed out at clouds.

A few minutes into the flight, she felt the space get smaller as someone sat beside her. All of a sudden, the hairs on the back of her neck tingled and a warm feeling filled her. The tingling spread to her arms when someone cover her hand.

“You are just going to leave?"

Sara's head whipped round. She gasped and stared at her hand as though it belonged to someone else. The hand holding hers squeezed her fingers. She couldn't believe this was real. 'I have to be hallucinating.' she thought. Confused, she looked at him.

Grissom smiled as he brought his eyes up to meet hers. “I can't let you leave.” he held her hand tightly. He slipped sideways and closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply against her cheek. "I'm sorry." he listened to her sigh against his lips. "I'm a blind fool."

"Why are you here?" she whispered.

He sighed and cupped her cheek with his right hand. "I told you. I can't let you leave. I'm sorry for hurting you. Can you see it in your heart to forgive me?"

She pressed her nose against his cheek and inhaled his scent. “Yes.” she pulled back slightly with a serious glare. "I can forgive you, but I can't forget about this. I'm a fool for even giving you this chance. I should say no, but I can't."

Grissom gave a curt nod and pressed his lips to hers lightly as a taste of what’s to come.

“Grissom.” she murmured.

“Hmm.” he hummed into her ear.

She pulled back again slightly and opened her eyes. She wasn’t smiling and his smile faltered. Reaching up to brush her fingers over his lips, she sighed. “Where does this lead us next?”

He took her hand in his and threaded his fingers through hers as he raised the seat partition between them. He pulled her into his side and held her. “Where are we going?” he asked.

Sara leaned her head against his shoulder. “At this very moment we’re above the clouds. After that, I don’t know.”

“San Francisco? Interesting.” he smiled into her hair when she snorted. "Very poetic, above the clouds. How long are we going to be away?"

Sara hummed as she thought about an answer. “I guess, it really depends on you.”

He lightly ran his hand up and down her arm. “I'm sure Catherine has everything under control. She can hold down the fort for at least a week. Is that enough time?”

She sighed and pressed herself closer. "For us to get to know each other. The rest we'll work on together when we get back."

He held her tight and smiled as they both looked out the window to watch the fluffy white clouds.

- The End.